And just like that he's gone...

This will be the last entry from me.  From here on out the entries will be from letters Kolbe sends home as a way to help him keep all his mission memories in one place.  However I felt that a few of these details leading up to this day needed to be documented in case he didn't have time, or just didn't write them down.  And although I'm exhausted, raw, and feeling numb right now, I wanted to write my feelings down before calling it a day.  Dropping your son off at 5:00 at night makes for a long day, but luckily Dylan had a basketball tournament that we were able to spend the morning at and then we took Kolbe to Tucanos for his birthday dinner since his birthday is this Sunday and he will be gone by then.  We were able to stay busy until around 1:30 and then we came back home to wait.  We had a little more packing to do but I knew it would only take about 15 minutes at most.  Kolbe wanted to lay down for a minute and although that sounded wonderful to me, I knew I had to stay busy so I began working on this blog.  Around 3:30 we decided to face the inevitable and finish his packing.  I'll admit I was putting that one off because it would make it feel so final.  While I helped him organize the rest of his bags, Mark was boxing up things in his room that he wanted to keep safe.  At this point I was in business mode and it wasn't too bad.  However when we got finished we all went our way to get dressed for the MTC.  As we were ready to walk out the door I heard Kolbe say "Where's Koda?  I can't go without saying goodbye to her."  Those who know Kolbe know how much he loves her.  And the joke with Kolbe is that when he gets married he has to marry a girl who loves huskies as much as him because he comes with a dog.  Well I walked out to take a picture and I heard him saying "Hey there Koda.  Listen I'm leaving you for 2 years.  I need you to be a good dog okay.  I need you to obey and be obedient so you will still be here when I get back."  I snapped a few pictures but I have to admit, it broke my heart watching this.  She is not a very loving dog and she kissed him, leaned into him, and loved on him in such a tender way.

Then we loaded his suitcases in the car and that was gut wrenching to watch.  But the worst was when we were pulling out of our garage.  The flood gates opened and I couldn't help it.  All I could think was 19 years ago I was pulling into my garage with my baby for the first time ever and how scared I was to be his momma and 19 years later I'm pulling out with my baby for the last time for 2 years scared to be sending him out in the world!  I was trying so hard to be strong as we were driving away but the tears wouldn't quit falling and to make it worse, Kolbe handed me a present.  I couldn't read it with all the tears and now Kolbe was crying as well so I had to have Jaxson read it to me.  It's one of the most beautiful gifts I've ever received.  I don't wear much jewelry but I will wear this often and keep it near and dear to my heart.  The back says "Gods most courageous angels are the mothers of missionaries".

We went to UVU to pick up Dylan who was there for a basketball tournament and then we headed to the MTC.  The drop off was short and sweet.  Poor Bailey cried so hard the entire way there and the entire time at the MTC.  I had collected myself and was doing pretty good until we walked through the front door and the MTC Presidents wife came and threw her arms around me and then I lost it again.  She told me "Remember to use a towel instead of tissues because towels absorb more."  Right then I realized we didn't put Kolbe's towel in the bag which made me cry even harder knowing I had already forgotten something but as he threw his arms around me he assured me I could just ship it to him the next day.  I guess that is a positive thing to him being in the Provo MTC.  We all hugged him, said our goodbyes and left.  And as I walked through the doors to head back home I knew that although I was leaving a big part of my heart there, he was going to be okay.

I tried not to cry on the way home but I have to admit I cried the entire drive home.  The emotions I'm feeling right now are so crazy.  I'm happy because I know how happy he is.  I have never seen him so excited or filled with so much passion before in my life for anything.  He has worked so hard to prepare in every way possible and I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what he wanted 100%.  And there is nothing else I would rather have him be doing right now.  I've wanted this since I held him in my arms as a tiny baby.  A mission is going to make a man out of him and give him so many life changing experiences.  But I'm sad too because he's one of the best friends I've ever had and it's just not going to be the same without him here.  He makes me laugh, he makes me crazy, and I love him fiercely!  He made me a mom and taught me what selfless love is and I'm going to miss him so much!   But tonight as I reflected on why we do this I had one thought come to my mind.  Our Heavenly Father and our Heavenly Mother gave their son up for a lot longer then 2 years.  They sent him away so that he could pave the way for us to all be together again one day.  If anyone knows the pain a parent feels by sending a child off, it's them.  If they can sacrifice all they did for us, then I can sacrifice 2 years with my son in return.  And I know there are people waiting for him to bring the gospel to them so they can have the same joy in their lives that we have in ours.  So with that being said...Go forth and serve Elder Mason!